This makes me sad...

I got to get the HELL out of Houston.

No respect for Mental health...

Stuck...

Lesson learned....

make sure i let people KNOW when i'm pushing them away, so they wont lie and say...they got STUCK in Houston. Never again. NEVER again.

these strays come with their sob stories and i care and take them in, but because they wanted to have cake and eat it too, they cried love. But wrote to others..."im stuck...in Houston".....

im not a hostage taker.

so why do people blame me, when IM ALL THEY GOT!...and im actually there.

im travelling down a really bad road here cuz im thinking of the one that broke me. And how she got scared of tha love and reopened an option. I wish i had been gentle...when she apologized, i might still have true love in my life. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me the exact same way.

i dont like when history repeats itself. First time was my fault, this time its not, but it still resurfaces the emotions of the one unsolved mystery of my life...what if...

in the end, i lost her forever and that was only a few months ago. The next one...i never actually had, i was a "roof-provider" that worked all day and slept all night, which meant free range to do and call and fukk and eat whateva and whoeva she wanted...and she did. She hasnt spoken a word of truth to me and has a REAL bad history so its no real loss to me. I just wish 2 years ago i could see what would become of me. I didnt knw ppl would STICK THEMSELVES to me just for tha long ride thats FREE.

just makes me wonder...again...has ANYBODY ever genuinely loved me.

im so sad i could scream!
But im at work and as usual...they are watching me.

one thing i know for sure
there will NEVER be another telling people thy are "STUCK", cuz my welcome mat says "DONT GET TOO COMFORTABLE".
Never will that lie be told on me again... Im like Martin, "i throw people OUUUUUUTT", and i officially am not taking anymore in. Got myself fukked over both times....never again.

Birthday Disaster

Karma came for my ass...
Wrong day...
Wrong time...

it was my birthday and i couldnt claim it as mine.

the girl i was with...
I found her dick
nasty, smellin of pussy and shit
she didnt appreciate me asking about this
but its my house and i pay the rent.

i woke up in the octagon of UFC
with someone who claimed to be in love with me

why didnt she think...
This aint what i need.

yesterday wasnt meant for me..
fighting someone i love Like UFC.



ok...i need to eat...and drink.
2 glasses of cabernet deep.
In the institution of love...i no longer believe....

and sadly, i need somebody to hold me.

It's my Birthday

Yeah.... really it is.

Shit, I dont even feel it. I woke up this morning and my eX was ready to fight. She was determined for me to kill her. She handed me a knife told me to "do it"... repeatedly. I was trying to curl my hair for work and she was pushing me in the back and popping me on my arm...infuriating the SHYT out of me. She wanted me to snap...and I did. I sweated out my hair, my clothes, almost had an asthma attack from fighting and scuffling and arguing. It's my crib. My NEW crib at that... and she decided a long time ago that since I "acknowledged" her selfishness, she would embrace it.

So....

The first thing I did this morning... was fight. She wanted me to kill her... I can't believe she's that selfish. I'm more suicidal than she is... and she had the GALL to try to milk me for emotion...on my birthday.... because I dont want to be iwth her anymore. And somehow, she doesn't see that THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE is the reason!! I had to fight and put a broad out my house on my birthday. She's spent the WHOLE morning talking shyt about me to her lil friends and Family (who hate her cuz she's gay) and NOW she wants my "forgiveness". Seriously??

I was there for her as much as possible...but who's there for me....

Moving sucks

I'm hella pissed that I had to sign another lease, but apparently It's meant for me to just fight through my own stress...