part of me...

TAKEN…

I floated back to shore
Water in my lungs
Bystanders watching the life get thrust back into me
I awaken and simply run

“WAIT…YOU LEFT YOUR………geez……ITS YOUR…YOUR HEART, LADY!”

After what’s happened to me this year, I’m indifferent about whether or not I was supposed to survive this shit. But here we are.

When I look in the mirror, it’s hard to imagine that I LET this happen to myself. Many people affected me. Positively and negatively. The problem with that is… ego. If I’m gonna be able to genuinely get this out, it JUST must be said.

Here’s the short non evasive story… The Trilogy

I fell in love… young woman. Wondering “what is love”. I’m sure I was in it.

I fell in a new love... Ecstatic, like a virgin.   Then, came the competition. Why should I compete for what’s already mine?  If you are not mine, then that’s makes u free to go, right and I’m alone. No regrets, just questions. Questions about me. Questions about them. Questions about the quality of love I was in. Learned enough for me to get the message that there was something I might find out about later…

I fell in love. Something different. Stylistics Brand New. Wonderfully frightening. Snatched my brain right out. Running on pure heart, pure love, felt fully reciprocated for the first time ever in life. As quickly as I met love, (the true kind that only comes to a few), it was gone.

NOW, I know what love is, had it and lost it. My plan for life was shattered and instantly there was nothing left…and without the truth…without some truthful explanation, rationalization… this is where I land…ashes on broken glass.

On the Memories Museum, they represent my Trilogy.

Starla as she was once known is now lost in a gust of wind…

Dead inside with a world of questions…like “what is love”, “was ANY of that love”, “is it me”, “is it them”. Rapport still intact with the Trilogy…except the last one. Stagnant existent didn’t want to move. Couldn’t move. Didn’t move. Ambivalent. Girl, Interrupted.

Had to shake it…without knowing why. Dysfunction. Slavery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tried to love again. It didn’t feel right for clear reasons. I infiltrated an existing situation extracted somebody’s baby mama and took her home and turned her out. I just went for the ego boost.  Complete waste of DISAPPOINTMENT’S time. Didn’t realize how genuine I was at heart for people who…well…  She was so good at being lovable or something, I started to love her I think, but apparently the line to her pussy was long like train smoke so I had to share… I DONT share, she KNEW that’s why it took 3 years of online friendship for us to meet and become a couple. Thought she was mine and ended up in an artillery battle with a baby daddy... My weapon, of course, being my witts. I shut him up quick, basically she was mine now, ask her, she’s right here. She even kissed me in the stage lights at the strip club…and he was there…looking (and they came together). I had multiple encounters with this cat, he was obviously a nigga spurned. What you expect. You got your gal took… by a GIRL. That has to do certain damage to a man. That NIKKA was a grown ass man threatening to put you hands on a woman. WEAK! Moreover, she’s crazy as hell, invited you to PLEASE come finish the job of fucking me up…and got crew and fam that got my back whether I need it or not. He was just completely out of his element and hell… i told him, better off. But, little did I know THEN, I had a spaghetti bitch…ya know “straight until wet”…UGH! Imagine how that went. Of course when he fell hard for the woman to later become his wife, i saw the inevitable change in my gal and my relationship, then she cheated WITH PENIS. I knew my ego hang glide was over. Should have been quick and amicable. SHIIID!

She bitched, wrote, and cried, blogged and lied all over the place about her broken heart as she shared her body with anyone bearing an orgasm or simply aggressive enough to just…ask. That infuriated me. When I let you go, you LEAVE. She played heartbreak and made me the presiding ogre over the pain in her life…with her foot on my back spaghetti worming her way into an industry that glamorizes lesbians…ya know…cuz we HOT! :) Lesbians flock and flee with the same story, that BI ass bitch wouldn’t TALK to me…I was much more acquainted with her pussy. Didn’t take long before the industry got in her…literally. There she remains…spiraling downward back into that destructive state of mind. Ego completely out of control because she’s the next Melissa Ford without the Honda Accord. Unfortunately in her case, there are children involved…and just her and her orgasm-giver.  As for me, I can say her effect on my life was a Profound Level 2. I’ll explain that one day. In short, she’s cool under the right influence, unsubstantially easygoing, fun to party with, and will remain submissive, just in case. I left that situation knowing…it was simply of no consequence. Done.

 

I woke up on my birthday at midnight…to a sweet kiss and a “happy birthday”…then suddenly I’m calling in at work because I just got out of a UFC ring was, at the time, my living room.

…to be finished, not continued