I got to get the HELL out of Houston.
No respect for Mental health...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Stuck...
Lesson learned....
make sure i let people KNOW when i'm pushing them away, so they wont lie and say...they got STUCK in Houston. Never again. NEVER again.
these strays come with their sob stories and i care and take them in, but because they wanted to have cake and eat it too, they cried love. But wrote to others..."im stuck...in Houston".....
im not a hostage taker.
so why do people blame me, when IM ALL THEY GOT!...and im actually there.
im travelling down a really bad road here cuz im thinking of the one that broke me. And how she got scared of tha love and reopened an option. I wish i had been gentle...when she apologized, i might still have true love in my life. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me the exact same way.
i dont like when history repeats itself. First time was my fault, this time its not, but it still resurfaces the emotions of the one unsolved mystery of my life...what if...
in the end, i lost her forever and that was only a few months ago. The next one...i never actually had, i was a "roof-provider" that worked all day and slept all night, which meant free range to do and call and fukk and eat whateva and whoeva she wanted...and she did. She hasnt spoken a word of truth to me and has a REAL bad history so its no real loss to me. I just wish 2 years ago i could see what would become of me. I didnt knw ppl would STICK THEMSELVES to me just for tha long ride thats FREE.
just makes me wonder...again...has ANYBODY ever genuinely loved me.
im so sad i could scream!
But im at work and as usual...they are watching me.
one thing i know for sure
there will NEVER be another telling people thy are "STUCK", cuz my welcome mat says "DONT GET TOO COMFORTABLE".
Never will that lie be told on me again... Im like Martin, "i throw people OUUUUUUTT", and i officially am not taking anymore in. Got myself fukked over both times....never again.
make sure i let people KNOW when i'm pushing them away, so they wont lie and say...they got STUCK in Houston. Never again. NEVER again.
these strays come with their sob stories and i care and take them in, but because they wanted to have cake and eat it too, they cried love. But wrote to others..."im stuck...in Houston".....
im not a hostage taker.
so why do people blame me, when IM ALL THEY GOT!...and im actually there.
im travelling down a really bad road here cuz im thinking of the one that broke me. And how she got scared of tha love and reopened an option. I wish i had been gentle...when she apologized, i might still have true love in my life. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me the exact same way.
i dont like when history repeats itself. First time was my fault, this time its not, but it still resurfaces the emotions of the one unsolved mystery of my life...what if...
in the end, i lost her forever and that was only a few months ago. The next one...i never actually had, i was a "roof-provider" that worked all day and slept all night, which meant free range to do and call and fukk and eat whateva and whoeva she wanted...and she did. She hasnt spoken a word of truth to me and has a REAL bad history so its no real loss to me. I just wish 2 years ago i could see what would become of me. I didnt knw ppl would STICK THEMSELVES to me just for tha long ride thats FREE.
just makes me wonder...again...has ANYBODY ever genuinely loved me.
im so sad i could scream!
But im at work and as usual...they are watching me.
one thing i know for sure
there will NEVER be another telling people thy are "STUCK", cuz my welcome mat says "DONT GET TOO COMFORTABLE".
Never will that lie be told on me again... Im like Martin, "i throw people OUUUUUUTT", and i officially am not taking anymore in. Got myself fukked over both times....never again.
Birthday Disaster
Karma came for my ass...
Wrong day...
Wrong time...
it was my birthday and i couldnt claim it as mine.
the girl i was with...
I found her dick
nasty, smellin of pussy and shit
she didnt appreciate me asking about this
but its my house and i pay the rent.
i woke up in the octagon of UFC
with someone who claimed to be in love with me
why didnt she think...
This aint what i need.
yesterday wasnt meant for me..
fighting someone i love Like UFC.
ok...i need to eat...and drink.
2 glasses of cabernet deep.
In the institution of love...i no longer believe....
and sadly, i need somebody to hold me.
Wrong day...
Wrong time...
it was my birthday and i couldnt claim it as mine.
the girl i was with...
I found her dick
nasty, smellin of pussy and shit
she didnt appreciate me asking about this
but its my house and i pay the rent.
i woke up in the octagon of UFC
with someone who claimed to be in love with me
why didnt she think...
This aint what i need.
yesterday wasnt meant for me..
fighting someone i love Like UFC.
ok...i need to eat...and drink.
2 glasses of cabernet deep.
In the institution of love...i no longer believe....
and sadly, i need somebody to hold me.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
It's my Birthday
Yeah.... really it is.
Shit, I dont even feel it. I woke up this morning and my eX was ready to fight. She was determined for me to kill her. She handed me a knife told me to "do it"... repeatedly. I was trying to curl my hair for work and she was pushing me in the back and popping me on my arm...infuriating the SHYT out of me. She wanted me to snap...and I did. I sweated out my hair, my clothes, almost had an asthma attack from fighting and scuffling and arguing. It's my crib. My NEW crib at that... and she decided a long time ago that since I "acknowledged" her selfishness, she would embrace it.
So....
The first thing I did this morning... was fight. She wanted me to kill her... I can't believe she's that selfish. I'm more suicidal than she is... and she had the GALL to try to milk me for emotion...on my birthday.... because I dont want to be iwth her anymore. And somehow, she doesn't see that THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE is the reason!! I had to fight and put a broad out my house on my birthday. She's spent the WHOLE morning talking shyt about me to her lil friends and Family (who hate her cuz she's gay) and NOW she wants my "forgiveness". Seriously??
I was there for her as much as possible...but who's there for me....
Shit, I dont even feel it. I woke up this morning and my eX was ready to fight. She was determined for me to kill her. She handed me a knife told me to "do it"... repeatedly. I was trying to curl my hair for work and she was pushing me in the back and popping me on my arm...infuriating the SHYT out of me. She wanted me to snap...and I did. I sweated out my hair, my clothes, almost had an asthma attack from fighting and scuffling and arguing. It's my crib. My NEW crib at that... and she decided a long time ago that since I "acknowledged" her selfishness, she would embrace it.
So....
The first thing I did this morning... was fight. She wanted me to kill her... I can't believe she's that selfish. I'm more suicidal than she is... and she had the GALL to try to milk me for emotion...on my birthday.... because I dont want to be iwth her anymore. And somehow, she doesn't see that THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE is the reason!! I had to fight and put a broad out my house on my birthday. She's spent the WHOLE morning talking shyt about me to her lil friends and Family (who hate her cuz she's gay) and NOW she wants my "forgiveness". Seriously??
I was there for her as much as possible...but who's there for me....
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Moving sucks
I'm hella pissed that I had to sign another lease, but apparently It's meant for me to just fight through my own stress...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Futile eX
There's only so much u can do
when a whore is trying to penetrate u.
I see how she handles life and
she wants me to be her wife.
But she doesnt knw shyt about life.
ugh
i cant speak intelligently on this because
there is nothing intelligent about this.
She WISH she could play me like tha hoes
keep me on top and let the rest just float.
As soon as i let her know
she tries to call me a hoe.
Accusing me of holding on
like with my ex....there something going on
transfer of blame
transfer of emotion
anything to make her body feel in motion.
She dies inside without
one on each side.
Leaving me alone would be too much like right.
But she has no choice in tha matter this time.
She came to my house with disrespect on her mind.
Ex girlfriends and love's untrue...
Took precedent over me
does that make sense to you?
Unloved is my middle name.
Its my familiar part of the game
The way she thinks is a damn shame
a way that will never master the game.
she will always be a pawn
wondering why she never won.
You cant play the game of night
in the morning sun.
Im so glad to be without
i'll miss her love
but NEVER her doubt.
when a whore is trying to penetrate u.
I see how she handles life and
she wants me to be her wife.
But she doesnt knw shyt about life.
ugh
i cant speak intelligently on this because
there is nothing intelligent about this.
She WISH she could play me like tha hoes
keep me on top and let the rest just float.
As soon as i let her know
she tries to call me a hoe.
Accusing me of holding on
like with my ex....there something going on
transfer of blame
transfer of emotion
anything to make her body feel in motion.
She dies inside without
one on each side.
Leaving me alone would be too much like right.
But she has no choice in tha matter this time.
She came to my house with disrespect on her mind.
Ex girlfriends and love's untrue...
Took precedent over me
does that make sense to you?
Unloved is my middle name.
Its my familiar part of the game
The way she thinks is a damn shame
a way that will never master the game.
she will always be a pawn
wondering why she never won.
You cant play the game of night
in the morning sun.
Im so glad to be without
i'll miss her love
but NEVER her doubt.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Im damn near at the end of my rope.
My eX is so "HER" that she's burning every bridge she got. Her FAM keeps putting her out of their various homes and she doesnt even understand it. She's supposed to be on her way bk home now but just found out her stuff by tha door where she is staying...waitin on her to get it and get out when she get returns...i feel awful for her...she claims to have no one but me. I dont believe that shyt...never did. But at this rate...it WILL be true.
then....what will we do...
My eX is so "HER" that she's burning every bridge she got. Her FAM keeps putting her out of their various homes and she doesnt even understand it. She's supposed to be on her way bk home now but just found out her stuff by tha door where she is staying...waitin on her to get it and get out when she get returns...i feel awful for her...she claims to have no one but me. I dont believe that shyt...never did. But at this rate...it WILL be true.
then....what will we do...
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