barely there...

Today is the day progress will be made.

I've opened a lot of doors and I've closed just as many.

I've watched myself this past year, trying to understand the connections I have and what they mean or if they mean anything.

I've come to some very unusual conclusions that will only be revealed with time.

I plan to have my facebook account deactivated by the end of the week and possibly my downelink account as well. The only important things there are... my blogs. I dont just type fluff. I cant express myself in lies. I broke away from the Major Hub (Myspace) because I needed to escape how BAD my life really was. But in the end, history repeated itself.

My eXXXX ran my eX off, I'm HELLA sad about that because I loved her more than she will ever believe but I can't control what people allow themselves to be torn apart by. In this case, she let PURE EGO make a decision. Her insecurity about the difference in age, appearance, career and assumed desire got the best of her and she made a terrible decision, told several lies, and lost me and my respect.

There is so much for me to do in my home. I haven't unpacked nor have I gotten anything in order to establish comfort in my apartment. I just go there... sit, smoke, and sleep. I lack the time, energy, and discipline to do this myself. Bottom line of that... I just gotta MAKE myself GET IT TOGETHER. I can't die yet. It's not up to me right now.

I have to embrace my genuine interests wholeheartedly to stay afloat. My online life will be different in a lot of ways. I have to select the sites that I will stay a part of. THIS blog, will remain semi-private. I'm not telling anyone I'm here. I'm actually easily found though. I'm not hiding, just not inviting.

Today... needs to mark a new beginning for me. Everything must change...